2020 Return of the Living Dead

 Seriously though, 2020 who else is over it?  I thought I was but every month a new impending disaster looms and  if not new bring back the COVID.  Woke up this morning hoping to know the outcome of the presidential election ( really hoping to find out Trump had won) but no. 

Since we have to wait,  I began to pray for transparency, accuracy and any shenanigans that are being worked to be brought into light.  I was praying in regard to the voting but when you are talking to God and you say "any"  that leaves a door wide open. So, I have been convicted. My shenanigans have been brought into light.

My  heart has become a cold, dark place. Self centered and self serving. For 20 years of my adult life I was involved heavily in church stuff,  I confused church stuff with God stuff, teaching children's classes, adult classes, leading women's studies. My feelings became hardened toward church.  At home,  marriage not so great. My husband who is a good, decent,  religious man consistently trying to do the "right" thing was absent emotionally whether home or not, and absent physically due to his job for weeks and sometimes months at a time. Financially, he held all the cards figuratively but for the most part literally too  as he had control of credit and debit cards. I also became hardened to him.  

I took a job, regained some financial freedom. Quit going to church except when forced by my husband. I took back some controls I had relinquished. I felt happier than I had in many years but in that freedom I claimed I gave up much. I gave up on the church, I gave up on my marriage. I gave up my heart to the things of the world....  I tell you all that to tell you this.

That prayer of "being brought into the light" hit me hard. There are a great deal of "I used to's" and "I did's"  in my life right now but  not a lot of present tense happenings.  God spoke to my heart this morning and while the election is huge with consequences that are vast and definitely beyond me, he is using it to draw me back to Him, back to life, back to being conformed not to the world but to His image back to Light.  

I actually asked my family to pray for my bitchy side to be less and my sunny side to be more. I hope this is the beginning of  a less self-centered Tracey.  Living for more than the now.

Car business, a rant

So, I love my job. I may have said that a time or two.or twenty.  Selling cars is my jam and my bread and butter. I meet some amazing people (amazingly good and amazingly strange)

I come in on my days off, I stay until closing on my early weeks a lot of times and y'all I'm doing okay. I sell enough to make my bills and buy groceries but I know it's only by God's grace and goodness to me.

In my time here I've seen probably 50 salespeople come and go (that's in less than four years) it's a tough business to make a living in and I thought at some point I'd be one of the guys, I've met goals, been top salesman a couple of times even,  but truth is I'll never get to be a part of that "good ol' boys" club that is fueled by testosterone, sports talk, and the thrill that is knocking someone's head off, figuratively, of course.

 I want to be okay with that, I do. But then days and weeks like these bring it to the forefront of my mind and I get bogged down in the feelings  of insecurity of maybe I really don't belong here doing this thing.

It's been a male dominated profession for  so long, don't get me wrong there are many women who have navigated this career path successfully, and you know I really am doing okay.  I guess I'll just keep doing me and hold to the quote I have posted on my monitor "Worry less about others actions and more about your own".

I am driven in part by a need for validation and recognition, who am I kidding? I'm a super needy  estrogen filled mess. For as much as I don't get them without a shadow of a doubt they don't get me either.  :) but that's okay . There's a book title I recall from decades ago "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" we are different in so many ways and to be honest I like working with these men. I like the competitive nature of the job. I like that they've toughened me up a little, I do still cry here occasionally but not nearly like that first year I'm sure that's a relief to them. (haha)

Rant over, I feel better already.  If you need a car ( New Fords used anythings) give me a call or shoot me a text  678-588-3858 I would be a poor salesperson indeed if I did not have a shameless plug
I'm on Facebook too at "Tracey Cagle Don't Dream it Drive It"    https://www.facebook.com/CarSalesWomanLife/