Parenting Winter

Let this be the thing.  I have prayed that one sentence more since my kids have become teenagers than in my entire life before then.

For every poor choice being made I pray it. “Lord let this be the thing”, and God knows just what I mean, let this be the thing that opens their eyes and gives them wisdom to think beyond a moment.  For every disrespectful word spoken in anger I pray it. “Lord let this be the thing” the time where he or she realizes just how hurtful words can be.  Many times when I need to have a word with one of the kids, I pray something similar “Lord, let this be the time”. The time they will understand that I don’t want to keep them from good things, I don’t want to shelter them so that they never experience the world, and I am not intentionally antagonizing to make their life more difficult.  I only want the best for each one and some times (most times) our ideas of how to achieve that differ.  I tend to think forward, wondering if the action is worth the consequence or even the potential consequence. The kids, however, do not. Their hindsight isn’t even 20/20 yet.

 Recently a dear sister in Christ shared a memory from when her own daughters were teenagers.  She told me that once while having dinner with HER then teenage daughter, she looked over at her and said “I think I’m going to like you when you grow up”.  Even as I laughed, I felt a great relief and surge of hope because I happen to know her daughter and she is a fantastic person whose love of the Lord shines through in all that she does. Parenting teens seems to be the winter of child rearing, although everything may appear bleak, I have confidence that come spring some of those seeds underneath the cold, harsh conditions are going to sprout and eventually flourish. Praise God!

Thank you Kate Middleton!

Pantyhose are becoming trendy again, or at least that's what I've read in a couple of places.  The last time they were considered fashionable was around twenty years ago, although I don't think they were ever considered out of vogue by some. 

I, however, have missed them, desperately. The way they hold things in while leaving no visible lines.  The smooth sexy sheen of the leg encased by them. The evenly tanned appearance they lend year round. The beauty of hidden stubble on days when there's no time to shave.  If I were a stronger person I would have continued to wear them despite their uncoolness but, I believe,  most women will tell you, no matter the age, the desire to be cool is still there.

Kate Middleton (Prince William's new wife) was seen wearing them and her fashion icon status has made it okay to wear them again. (Smaller) Hip (Smaller)Hip Hooray!!

Hane's Alive here I come.  Investors I think you might want to buy stock. :)

Fabio-He's Not

The summer between my 7th and 8th grade year I read a lot, 112 Harlequin and Silhouette romances to be exact. In my reading I could escape the small town where I lived and travel the world cheaply. Plus, I dreamed of being the young innocent heroine, destined to be romanced by a world wise man, who also usually happened to be wealthy and speak with an accent. There were always obstacles to overcome but love triumphed. 

This romance overload affected me then, when I fantasized about being swept off my feet and loved passionately, adored always, and cherished above all else by a tall dark and handsome Greek business tycoon.  Crazy? No doubt, but that hasn't diminished my disappointment with the the reality of love and marriage which I suppose means it affects me even now.

I got my guy. The one of my dreams and while he is not from Greece, he is named after a Greek city. Coming to accept that wine, roses, flowery prose, and flying off to private islands for spontaneous picnics are not a part of my man's genetic code or his budget was not really the problem.  The days where we don't speak other than to pass information; the times when work supersedes family (i.e. me), the days where we don't touch unless it's accidentally, those are the things that I can't seem to move beyond.  I have always thought my romance novel summer was to blame for my discontent, but today I read a verse in Genesis that makes me rethink that position. 

Let me set the scene: Adam and Eve have committed the first sin after being deceived by that sneaky snake into doubting the truth of God's words.  When God comes to talk with them in the garden later that evening and confronts the issue of their sin, he gives them each specific consequences to the disobedience. Read the account for yourself in Genesis chapter three  at Bible Gateway, http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+3&version=NIV

What struck me as I read the story of humanity's fall from God's grace was the truth in the woman's curse. Verse 16 says:


    To the woman he said,

   “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
    with painful labor you will give birth to children.
    Your desire will be for your husband, 

    and he will rule over you.”


I've given birth four times, I can attest to the pain of childbirth and labor. It's that second part that I don't want to want to claim, I think it makes me sound weak but I know it's true too.
Her desire will be for her husband and he will rule over her.  Surprisingly it wasn't the "rule" part that got me, it was the truth in the "desire" part. I long for my husband to treasure me. I want for his attention, his touch, even when I don't want to want too. You know what I mean?   Romance writers certainly seem too. By the way I stopped reading that genre and moved on to suspense and crime.

The Creeper

I  like to know what's happening in my children's worlds (yes, they each have one of their own of which they are the center).  One of my favorite ways is by checking them and their friends out on Facebook. Whenever I find out something interesting I ask about it.  My predilection for being an informed parent has earned me an affectionate nickname, "The Creeper".  I didn't mind at all this new moniker of mine, it reminded me of an episode of "Scooby Doo".  Now it seems we might have a genuine creeper on our hands and there is absolutely nothing cute or cartoonish about it.

My daughter has a problem with a boy, usually I don't worry about trouble with boys,  you know it seems to come part and parcel with teenage girls.  But this past Tuesday evening a young man showed up at the front door asking to speak with Allison.  I asked his name and business  and Allison came down to see what he needed. Sometimes it's obvious that someone has issues and although I couldn't name the reason something about this boy struck me as just NOT right. Know what I mean? Anyway after he left Allison said, "I think he has a crush on me because I spoke to him on the bus".  He had walked from his home about a 1/2 mile away to see her.  That was the beginning of a what has become quite a strange week for my daughter.

She didn't know that by showing a modicum of kindness to this boy, he would become obsessed with her. The thing that is concerning is not just the fact the he now waits outside her classes to follow her everywhere she goes at school but that he was expelled previously for bringing a knife to school and pulling it on another kid.  Now that he has become her shadow, people are telling her things that she didn't know when it was "kind of sweet" that he seemed to like her.  Not only did he have this one documented episode of violent outburst, he seems to still be focused on cutting and hurting/killing people.  I am trying to take all this in with a grain of  salt, since not 100% of what we hear is true but the initial episode was the real deal.

Allison is becoming a bit fearful, I believe.  Since he lives so close it is not something that can be left at the school doors. She is spending the weekend with her grandmother as an effort to avoid him over the weekend. If you have been in a similar situation or have advice to offer please do.  We don't know how to proceed.  Should we just wait this thing out a while and try to let it run it's course, hoping he will become discouraged by her lack of interest  or do we need to address it now in someway?

We need some guidance on dealing with this situation. 

HI-HO HI-HO It's Off to School We Go

What a morning!!! It got off to a great start, Leah was up and ready to catch the bus and she would have made it too, if not for the demand of her shoes and earrings from her older sister; not just any shoes and earrings, but the ones she had on today. Yep-you guessed it. She missed the bus.

Now because of the missed bus we needed to leave about twenty minutes sooner and Allison having just gotten up would not be ready.  Not a problem because Ben was home and he could take her on his way to work without  much inconvenience. Logical thinking solves logistical problem without  yelling or tears, yet.

With some effort, we made it out the door when we needed too. Traffic was good to us, there were no tractors between us and the four lane. Looked like we were going to make it but as we started to enter the drop off zone at the elementary school, I heard a surprised "huh" from my backseat passenger. Wesley was unwrapping himself from the blanket he'd worn since breakfast and realized he had no shoes. Yes it's true, I did not check his feet before we left the house. Still not a problem though because we had a little time and a plan.  At this point Leah texts Ben to bring shoes to the high school parking lot where I can meet him as he drops Allison. Smiling to myself and thinking "clever me", I breathed a sigh of relief  while heading to the high school. After five minutes in the parking lot waiting, my cell rings,  and it's Allison , she needs her purse from my car.

 "Not a problem", I say, "you can get it from me when I get Wesley's shoes".
To which Allison replies "Umm, we don't have any shoes. Ben didn't turn his phone on until we were already on the way".

Long story short, Allison got her purse and was 30 minutes late, Wesley made it to school 45 minutes late with red rimmed eyes from my "what were you thinking?" lecture. No doubt I was a scary sight to behold checking him in with my slightly brushed hair, make-upless face,and  mismatched pajama clad self. I don't think I'd be surprised if child services showed up in the very near future. That might be a problem.

I think Ben made it to work on time with his shoes on, but I didn't check his feet either.

It's all good though,  this morning's events  helped me make a decision. I had been considering coming off my blood pressure medication, even talked to my doctor about it. I've changed my mind.

Cookbook Guilt

My poor cookbooks are feeling unloved, I just know they are.  They remind me of  toys that have been outgrown and set aside. Nope,  I haven't stopped cooking (yet). I use the internet now, it's so much easier to find what I am looking for on here. 

Before http://www.allrecipes.com/, I spent hours looking through the books, figuring out which recipes were worth a try. Now after keying in the ingredients I want and those I don't (some people in the house will not eat black olives or mushrooms), I do a quick search, look at the ratings and reviews and voila; decision made no muss, no fuss, something new and different.

Well, to be honest there usually is a fuss, or at least a grumble or two.  We, (I use the "we" loosely) do not like change in the Cagle household. "We" prefer to eat the same things week in, week out.  As chief cook, I am, in the words of former President Bush "the decider" and at least once or twice weekly, I put a new dish on the table.  Sometimes I follow the recipe to the letter and others I might tweak. Allrecipes review system  allows users to give advice. One thing that drives me crazy about it is how many reviewers will have changed the recipe so significantly that it barely resembles the original, and then give it a poor rating. People please, if you didn't follow it,  don't comment on it or rate it.  

When I began using the computer to find recipes, it felt like I was cheating on my cookbooks.  The books used to be out on my shelves ready  for daily duty, potluck searches, and special occasion meals. At first it was only every once in a while when nothing in the book seemed to fit the bill, but my usage became more frequent. I would find myself searching just because I could.  After several months when the guilt was more than I could take, I moved the books behind the closed doors of the buffet table cabinets.

 There are couple of recipes that still come from the books and when I open those doors to pull a cookbook out,  it makes me a little sad to see the splattered, stained and worn pages no longer being used.  Most of the meals I make don't require recipes to be pulled anymore, I've prepared them so often that I just know what to do. Most of what I learned about meal preparation came from those cookbooks;  as a new bride I studied the conversion charts, the cooking methods, the terms and tips that were in the back pages. 

I still cherish my cookbooks.  I just can't face them on a daily basis.

The "Fun"draiser

Last night we worked a fundraiser for "People First of Henry County", a great cause with a great community response.  It was organized by my mother-in-law and she asked us to help. Her step-son, Ricky, is a huge supporter of the group which organizes socials and activities for special needs adults.

It turns out people are well, let's just say interesting. As I doled out noodles and dipped sauce, I was confounded, astounded and left shaking my head at some folks. Several individuals were recruited to bring in crock pots of sauce and some of those individuals would ONLY eat the sauce they brought.  While we were dipping from my crockpot one of those people came up... "I can only eat the sauce I brought" she said as she began to dip from my pot.  I said, "that one is the one I made". She then argued with me over the crockpots and came behind the serving line to show me.  I don't understand why, if it was such a big deal to her, she didn't just keep a bit out in a separate dish for herself. Makes sense doesn't it? Finally, she realized that the dish we were serving was not hers.


Then there was the woman whose sauce had to have sugar in it. I told her, "I'm sorry I don't know how everyone prepared the sauces". Some wanted meatless sauce, some wanted the bread far, far away from the sauce. Some wondered if all we had was spaghetti, as if the ticket stating "spaghetti dinner" was lying. If I were dining at a five star restaurant I'd expect exceptional service and an ability to make special requests, but this was a $5 a plate SPAGHETTI dinner. We had spaghetti, spaghetti and ummmmm more spaghetti. 

We filled each plate, gave a salad and directions to desserts. We had been informed to tell folks to go through the door and pick whichever sweet thing you'd like.  Somehow, the self imposed Dessert Nazi missed the memo and was directing people to the desserts of HER choice for them.  She was saving the prettiest and best to auction off (her own last minute idea). This didn't set well with Ricky and his belief that the people who made the sweets intended for them to be eaten with this meal. So, after more than one attempt at reasoning with her, he took matters into his own hands, literally.  While the Dessert Nazi was distracted, Ricky, knife in hand set out to slice each cake, pie and cookie bar on the table. The effort was a sweet success.

It was all in all a lot of fun and raised enough money to provide a nice prom and maybe an excursion or two.